My ears had been assaulted. There was no going back. Couldn't un-hear it....
The commercial cut through my morning happy time like a knife. "Have you ever wanted to cook for a living?..." Cook for a living?! I don't even want to cook for my own living. Why on earth would I want to cook for other people for a living??
Why do you think I love soups and salads so much? Open a can. Snip open a bag. There you have it. Even the dressing is supplied (although I rarely use it). Do I make my own? Oh, surely you jest. I love to just drizzle a bit of bottled balsamic vinegar over all my salads. Sometimes I'll add a dollop of salsa if I want to get complicated. A can of Garbanzos. Handful of almonds. My skills are amazing.
Didn't hit the mute button fast enough. The blaring continued..." You can, just by calling..." Oh great. Now they actually supply a number to call to make me feel accountable to doing something about the stew I've gotten myself into over the years.
This was a recipe for disaster! Me? A cooking school? Do you have any idea how many times I have to look at the box of the Jell-o Cook Pudding to remember what I'm supposed to be doing? Was that 1 Cup? Boil for how long? Stir constantly? The No-Cook Pudding? Not much better. Stir for how long? Wisp or spoon? Mixer? Where's the box? Where's the box! Which end of the box!? Where's the stupid directions? Not that one. That's for if you want it to be a pie. Turn, flip, turn, stare, read, re-read....
My poor husband... I nearly had a melt-down when he recycled the Pillsbury cake box while I was engaged in the complicated culinary process of adding oil, water, egg, and stir. It's not so much the ingredients but the amounts and the order of combining that throw me. Unless there are more than 3 ingredients, of course. Now that really throws a lump in the batter for me! Oh my, too long, too long, much too long. WOW! Way too long. And just look at all the other stuff! The extra bowls. All those instructions. And those terms! It'll take days of just going back to the book to be sure I haven't forgotten what I was doing while getting the measuring spoon out of the drawer. Completely fries my brain! And that's just the ingredient list for the boxed mix. Now why would they do that? ...complicate a nice boxed mix by adding things to it... just not right.
Oh, I try to use those clever techniques to remember things. Like number sequencing. That's 1 C. flour + 2 tsp baking powder. One/Two. One/Two. Simple. Wait. Was that 1 tsp powder + 2 C. flour. 1 Tablespoon? No, no. Couldn't be that much. Better check the book out...again!!! THAT really frosts my cookies! What's the deal! Now, not only am I a frustrated cook but I must be having a pre-senior moment!
Oh yes, I've tried. I have multiple sets of measuring spoons, measuring cups, spatulas, etc. I even have shot glasses with markings. I even lay the appropriate spoon next to each ingredient in an effort to remember how much to use. But somehow it gets scooched away by something else and that can be disastrous. Fear gels my brain. So I keep checking the book to make sure I still have the right spoon by the right ingredient. Is something burning?
I know, I know. I have a reputation to uphold from other more sane areas of living. She's so clever, so organized. Brilliant ideas. She's got it down. Must be a regular Whiz in the kitchen. Why, I've even used rubber-bands to keep things together. Yes, ingeniously, I have a 1 tsp. spoon banded around my can of baking powder because I always make the same pancakes from scratch. Well, you can scrape yourself off the floor with the spatula now because, after a lifetime of the same Fanny Farmer recipe I still have to pull out the book to remind myself if it's 1 teaspoon or 2. (They should really make a 2 tsp spoon don't you think?) Do I still have the right spoon on there? Did I wash it and put the wrong one back on? That doesn't seem right somehow. Really burns me up when I can't remember that one.
Now, there was a time...far, far away...when I really was quite the kitchen-ista. Canned TONS of fruits and vegetables every year. Freezer jam, cooked jam. HUGE turkeys so I could bone out the carcass and spoil my family with homemade dumplings, biscuits and gravy, soups, stews, etc..
Loved baking cakes, cookies, pies. Invented my own variations that everyone wanted the recipes for after the Christmas pot-luck. ...yes, I know... what happened?!!
Two. That's it. Two. As in "...just the two of us...". No family around to spoil. Lost my momentum.
Even my wonderful hubby prefers the simple life of Costco salmon patties and an occasional Papa Murphy's Pizza. Trust me. I offer! I volunteer to cook lots of times. He graciously says. "Let's just have pancakes." He loves my super thin pancakes and waffles. But I think he loves his sanity more.
"Where's the box? Did you toss the box? I need the box. I just had it!"
Cooking school? Not likely. No wonder he cringes when I muse about taking a class together..for fun.
The commercial cut through my morning happy time like a knife. "Have you ever wanted to cook for a living?..." Cook for a living?! I don't even want to cook for my own living. Why on earth would I want to cook for other people for a living??
Why do you think I love soups and salads so much? Open a can. Snip open a bag. There you have it. Even the dressing is supplied (although I rarely use it). Do I make my own? Oh, surely you jest. I love to just drizzle a bit of bottled balsamic vinegar over all my salads. Sometimes I'll add a dollop of salsa if I want to get complicated. A can of Garbanzos. Handful of almonds. My skills are amazing.
Didn't hit the mute button fast enough. The blaring continued..." You can, just by calling..." Oh great. Now they actually supply a number to call to make me feel accountable to doing something about the stew I've gotten myself into over the years.
This was a recipe for disaster! Me? A cooking school? Do you have any idea how many times I have to look at the box of the Jell-o Cook Pudding to remember what I'm supposed to be doing? Was that 1 Cup? Boil for how long? Stir constantly? The No-Cook Pudding? Not much better. Stir for how long? Wisp or spoon? Mixer? Where's the box? Where's the box! Which end of the box!? Where's the stupid directions? Not that one. That's for if you want it to be a pie. Turn, flip, turn, stare, read, re-read....
My poor husband... I nearly had a melt-down when he recycled the Pillsbury cake box while I was engaged in the complicated culinary process of adding oil, water, egg, and stir. It's not so much the ingredients but the amounts and the order of combining that throw me. Unless there are more than 3 ingredients, of course. Now that really throws a lump in the batter for me! Oh my, too long, too long, much too long. WOW! Way too long. And just look at all the other stuff! The extra bowls. All those instructions. And those terms! It'll take days of just going back to the book to be sure I haven't forgotten what I was doing while getting the measuring spoon out of the drawer. Completely fries my brain! And that's just the ingredient list for the boxed mix. Now why would they do that? ...complicate a nice boxed mix by adding things to it... just not right.
Oh, I try to use those clever techniques to remember things. Like number sequencing. That's 1 C. flour + 2 tsp baking powder. One/Two. One/Two. Simple. Wait. Was that 1 tsp powder + 2 C. flour. 1 Tablespoon? No, no. Couldn't be that much. Better check the book out...again!!! THAT really frosts my cookies! What's the deal! Now, not only am I a frustrated cook but I must be having a pre-senior moment!
Oh yes, I've tried. I have multiple sets of measuring spoons, measuring cups, spatulas, etc. I even have shot glasses with markings. I even lay the appropriate spoon next to each ingredient in an effort to remember how much to use. But somehow it gets scooched away by something else and that can be disastrous. Fear gels my brain. So I keep checking the book to make sure I still have the right spoon by the right ingredient. Is something burning?
I know, I know. I have a reputation to uphold from other more sane areas of living. She's so clever, so organized. Brilliant ideas. She's got it down. Must be a regular Whiz in the kitchen. Why, I've even used rubber-bands to keep things together. Yes, ingeniously, I have a 1 tsp. spoon banded around my can of baking powder because I always make the same pancakes from scratch. Well, you can scrape yourself off the floor with the spatula now because, after a lifetime of the same Fanny Farmer recipe I still have to pull out the book to remind myself if it's 1 teaspoon or 2. (They should really make a 2 tsp spoon don't you think?) Do I still have the right spoon on there? Did I wash it and put the wrong one back on? That doesn't seem right somehow. Really burns me up when I can't remember that one.
Now, there was a time...far, far away...when I really was quite the kitchen-ista. Canned TONS of fruits and vegetables every year. Freezer jam, cooked jam. HUGE turkeys so I could bone out the carcass and spoil my family with homemade dumplings, biscuits and gravy, soups, stews, etc..
Loved baking cakes, cookies, pies. Invented my own variations that everyone wanted the recipes for after the Christmas pot-luck. ...yes, I know... what happened?!!
Two. That's it. Two. As in "...just the two of us...". No family around to spoil. Lost my momentum.
Even my wonderful hubby prefers the simple life of Costco salmon patties and an occasional Papa Murphy's Pizza. Trust me. I offer! I volunteer to cook lots of times. He graciously says. "Let's just have pancakes." He loves my super thin pancakes and waffles. But I think he loves his sanity more.
"Where's the box? Did you toss the box? I need the box. I just had it!"
Cooking school? Not likely. No wonder he cringes when I muse about taking a class together..for fun.
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